She's not obedient

Another 'hate France' day.

Today, Wednesday, I try to spend with my children, since the bigger one usually has a half day off, but today she is off on a trip.

So, my little one and I are spending time together (mostly 'quality' except for right now where I am blogging). Abigail is two years old, and she plays her role quite well. To all questions her pat response is, "No" (with the possible exception of "Would like a cookie/ice cream?" to which she repeats the object of her desire while running madly for the kitchen.. "ICE CREAM"... so never a 'yes').

I need to run errands. It is part of being a mom, even an expat mom. I can't complain about that, we live in the center of town and everything is a short walk. One amazing Abigail attribute is her ability to walk. Everywhere. If. she. wants. to.

Which brings us to this morning. Her initial enthusiasm for walking was great, (I know better than to ask "Will you go shopping with Mommy" and use the tried-and-true "Can you help Mommy do the shopping?" which always gets an enthusiastic response). But as we walked away from the house, she asked for us to buy watermelon, and I mentioned that we would likely not get any since it wasn't in season, so she thought a bit more, "Ice cream!" she suggested, which was a good idea two days ago when she and her sister had eaten us out of my favorite (mint chip) but unnecessary today since we are full up (we don't eat THAT much ice cream!).

So she continued to walk but with less enthusiasm. We turned a corner, and she balked. I said, "Either you walk or you go in the stroller" so she continued walking. A bit further on, she saw a cat. She wanted to go to the cat, but since cats aren't my favorite animal and I am not sure about how nice this one was, I didn't want to. I briefly explained this, and getting impatient, I wanted to move (my favorite bakery runs out of their amazing potato-rosemary bread quickly...). Again, I gave the standard close-ended two year-old choice: walk or stroller. But this time, she was having none of it. I warned her that if she didn't I would PUT her in the stroller, but she held firm. As I said, she plays her role well.

So a kicking and screaming Abigail got put in her stroller after two warnings. The postal lady was walking by and took the time to come by and say, rather reproachfully, "She is not an obedient girl!" with the tone of 'for shame' dripping all over.

I was stunned. I didn't respond, so the kind postal lady repeated herself in case I didn't understand. (Quite honestly, I think she was doing her best to 'help' me, being of a certain culture and generation, she wanted Abigail to know that she, too, would vote for her getting in the stroller... sort of a Mommy solidarity. But I still didn't like it, I am soooo hard to please.)

I continued to be stunned, but then responded, "Well, she is obedient sometimes, but I guess she doesn't want to do what I do today" and didn't really wait for a response. As I walked on with a screaming two year-old in a stroller, I realized: I DON'T WANT HER TO BE OBEDIENT! Being obedient has gotten me into more nasty situations than I could ever describe. Who would want their child to repeat such a horrible mistake???

And what's more, behind my postal lady's message of Abigail not being obedient was the reproach of, "You aren't too great of a parent". Well, it isn't the first time a French national has suggested this. And perhaps I am not, at least by their standards. I don't hit my children (which they do, regularly, and often in public). I don't belittle my chilren (again, which they do), or make fun of their 'childishness' (yes, they do that too... children are childish, can't get around that...), or make fun of their worries (you guessed it, they do that too...). So I am, all around, a pretty lousy parent by French standards. In fact, I guess you'd say... I'm not obedient. It has taken many years and many experiences to overcome being obedient, but I am well on my way.

Obedient is dumb, even the French know this because they are going to strike tomorrow in a full showing of civil disobedience (including our fair postal lady, I assure you!).

No, Abigail isn't 'obedient', hooray for her!!! She is willful and opinionated. She can be kind and helpful at times, and very sweet to boot, which is a nice balance to her strong and, at times difficult, spirit. At least I can still parent despite living in France.